there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
