ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
