I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm too high and old for this...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
