I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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