Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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