Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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