walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
