We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
