just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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