could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
