Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
