Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
