The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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