how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
