my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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