I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize