We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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