The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
