Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
