I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
