i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
