Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
