so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
