And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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