i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
