please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
