I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
