My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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