Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
my poor anus
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
