morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
