i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
