i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
