Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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