so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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