Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
