I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
