Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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