So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
