Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The power of my boobs compel you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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