it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
