1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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