yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
