Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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