I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
