I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
