I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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