Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
