my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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