I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
