I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
