mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
