so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
