Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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