Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
