too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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